Building Trust with Love requires steps and patience. We are born trusting that our nourishment and needs will always be freely given by our loved ones and providers. And we trust in this blindly. Because we know no better…yet. As we age and formulate in our minds how the hand to mouth thing really works, we learn manipulation techniques. Babies learn that crying begets attention, which most of the times, begets food, nourishment and love. Toddlers learn that behavior begets attention also, but in a variety of ways. So they test us with different behaviors, and they learn. And thus we learn to trust in others to react and behave in ways that we can shape. Teens and young adults start to widen their circle of trust and dependence on others outside of the immediate family and caring world as they enter school and interact with others. Even as adults we continue to give a certain trust to learned-about authority figures and other learned trust-worthy sources, such as written materials and documents.
As I worked on a project that involved establishing seedlings for my herb garden, I read the trusted source of directions included and I felt that by following exact steps listed that I would get my results (the attention of grown herbs). I have to admit that after following the step by step process a few times, I then began to manipulate the steps the way I wanted to, expecting that now I know what I’m doing and can modify my behavior to just ad lib. I still kept the instructions close by though, so I could fall back to them if needed.
Our children will behave in this same pattern as they grow and learn to trust their own instincts, based on the instructions that you provide them early on. They will start to ad lib in their behaviors and try to trust their own guts (and sometimes their peers). Thankfully they will also keep your instructions close by (in their heads) and be able to fall back upon them, if their paths grow shaky or they just need the comfort of relying on your most trust worthy words of advice and comfort seeds of love. Don’t be short on supplying these seeds of comfort. We want to be mindful potters that mold our children into strong beings, with loving characteristics, and instructional steps for doing the right thing.
My Peace to the Universe!